Category Archives: MENTORING

5 THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT SAY TO SOMEONE

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We say certain things that we do not realize how much it/they hurt the other person.

Below are the reasons why I highlighted these 5 things:

When you tell someone they cannot do it, you make them feel less of a person or discouraged. Yes, it might be true that they can’t do it but there are better ways to tell the person without hurting their feelings and also explaining to them why you think or know they can’t do it.
When you tell someone I paid a lot of money for that, you are indirectly rude and the person may feel that they do not befit that item or might instill fear. Honestly, you have every right to tell someone about how important an item is to you but try to be more courteous.
The third one is very funny. I have witnessed someone ask someone else that question in public to be specific. Most people laughed about it but it was literally not funny, the lady felt very embarrassed about the question as she just had her fourth child. This is a sarcastic question, we shouldn’t ridicule people indirectly.
AGE!!! This has been a very controversial topic. Research has proven that most people find it rude when you ask them about their age especially when you are trying to prove a point. Example is if someone is eating both hands and you ask ‘how old are you again?’ You are indirectly telling the person he/she is acting like a child.
The last one is why are you still single. Excuse me, is the person meant to provide a boyfriend/girlfriend for herself. Do we all have to be in a relationship? You can advise your friend about relationships but not in a condemning way.

Feel free to share your thoughts about this and share to people.

Educate, Advocate, Inspire, Lifestyle

EVERYONE’S JOURNEY IS DIFFERENT

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A short letter to you…

Dear friend,

I understand that sometimes life takes a toll on us and we feel that we are backwards or have not achieved what we want or wanted to have achieved but trust me you are not alone. Sometimes, I feel down, I feel disappointed at myself, I have previously felt that I could have done better in an examination and wondered if my mates who had the best of grades had 2 heads or even after a job interview, but over time I have gotten to understand this phrases “WORRYLESS” and “COMPARE LESS”.

Life is not a competition except if you make it one for yourself. The moment you started comparing your progress to another persons progress then you pursuing your destruction or affecting your mental health. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to have a role model or people we aspire to be like, but, that is different from chasing your friends dreams just because you are 30 years old and do not have a car and your friend is 30 years old with 2 cars or You are 20 years old and have not graduated from college and your friend is 18 years old and have graduated from college. My dear friend, there is nothing wrong with that and regardless of the situation, it doesn’t make you less of a better that you are. Remember that there is a difference between self-evaluation and self-comparison.

Comparison is the thief of joy.
by Theodore Roosevelt

Life is a journey that entails different obstacles, joys, moments, celebrations, hardships and any other thing you can think of. In this life journey, it is never smooth. Therefore, my dear friend please stay focused, show gratitude, set your goals right and live the best of it.

If you need to talk to me, feel free to fill the contact form.

You are awesome.

From,

Tobi.

Educate, Advocate, Inspire, Lifestyle

GUESS WHY I WAS SLAPPED

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I got into Junior Secondary School with so much excitement because I wanted to enjoy teenage age meeting new people outside my neighborhood, interact with children from various social and economic background, live away from home and test the strength of self-dependency at an early age and think to start a business as I come from background with lots of Medium scale entrepreneurs. My expectations on education, communication and learning were high and I could not wait for my first day as a junior secondary student in a boarding school.

I was enrolled in one of the best secondary schools in Lagos, Nigeria and the sad reality of school appraisals in Nigeria is limited to their educational strength based on teaching methods and academic performance in comparison with other schools. Such methods are not constructively appraised on the benefit on mental, intellectual and physical wellbeing of the child. My case was no different as I was a exhibit for testing poor disciplinary methods on children. My parents identified the good academic qualities of this school and once all admission requirement were settled, I became a proud student of Queens College in Lagos Nigeria and lived in school (i.e. the boarding house system that put high responsibility on the school management to cater for the day-to-day wellbeing of students).

The proclivities in this system of child discipline in Nigeria increases the chances and sustainability of corporal punishment based on student-to-student and student-to-teacher relationships as a culture of brutality to define a reputation of “seniority” and dominance within the student community is synonymous to an uncivilized people with intentions to maim and demoralize their peers. When a junior student is a victim of corporal punishment from student of teacher for 4-5 years and sees how it gives a pseudo status of respect, they are very likely to be conditioned to apply such means in defining their roles and status in the student community when they become senior students.

I became a boarding student due to the distance of my school from home. It was a long distance to cover even by car and the traffic in Lagos would double, if not triple the time required to arrive early at school each day. Like I mentioned, the boarding system relinquishes certain responsibilities from the parents to the school management on behalf of their children and this was one of many responsibilities the school would take up that would be less burdensome on my parents and I. The idea of independence was critical to my parents and they wanted to build me up from a young age to be self-reliant and depend less on them for small issues I could manage especially interpersonal relationship and making small decision.

This is a good decision every parent will want for their children and safe to say they wanted a child, regardless of her gender that remains undermined both in terms of equity and equality in Nigeria, to be solid in intellectually and courageous. Though the rules and regulations were alien, I had to live within them as I was excited of my new milestone. Some of the rules were very unimaginable and monstrous and looking back at how they were developed, reviewed and agreed in managing child educational and behavioral development, i really wonder what the definition of child safety and child rights is in Nigeria (I will not dwell on that in this post).

FOOD! FOOD!! FOOD!!! was the reason my house mistress slapped me. Funny but that was why I was slapped, and I will go into a bit of details on it. On this particular day, I went to my guardian’s house receive a call from my parent who had not seen me for some time and as their only child, I think their concerns to speak to me over the phone was valid. After the call, in a show of kind gesture, my guardian gave me food to eat and I ate with so much happiness (considering the quantity and quality (nutritional value) of the food compared to the rations we got from the dining hall, every student would eat her food. I might have been wrong or right to have eaten at my guardians’ house but I’m not too sure a student of a boarding school will blame me for wanting good food.

Anyways, we had a dormitory captain who gave report to the house mistress about certain activities. She reported to the house mistress stating I sometimes ate at my guardians’ and not from the dining hall. Looking back, I can only say she was jealous how my guardian treated me especially with good food. One day, while eating at my guardians’, my house mistress showed up to “discipline me”. I was very surprised and knew somebody gave me up (the snitching systems to attract favor). My house mistress asked what I was doing at my guardians’ place and I replied, “I came to eat dinner”. Her response was “you even have the gut to talk”. At that point, I became very scared and started shivering. She asked me the question again and after responding the same way, she slapped me. I burst into tears and tried to inquire the reason she slapped me, her response to my question was several wipes on my back and legs with a cane she was holding.

At that point my guardian rushed outside to manage the situation and stop her from flogging me. This made them get at each other, at least in words and I felt really sad and because I was slapped and flogged for wanting good food and putting my guardian in a bad situation because I had no idea the implication with the school authority. The fact that food, a core need of a child can be responding in a hostile manner makes me think deeply about children that live without food and how they are treated when they reach out to people that can help or how people that help are perceived by the society. The takeaway for me was that a gap within the social welfare programme of the school was identified and as a school responsible for children wellbeing including quality food, addressing the issue was core not how the student responded to her appetite especially when she did not steal or bully another student for their meal.

My house mistress reported the case to the Vice Principal, which attracted a warning letter from the school after inviting my parents to discuss the matter. The decision from the school management supported the use of violence through corporal punishment meted on me. The mental and physical effect left traumatized as I felt most vulnerable when my parents went home. I did not feel safe and that was not a concern of the school. The direct effect this had on me was I couldn’t speak for myself and always resorted to the help if my guardian, eliminating the goal of developing self-confidence and able to make small decisions on my life. I became more dependent and asking myself questions as “Did she really have to hit me?”, “Couldn’t she have just reported me to the management, if she felt I was wrong or tell me why I was expected to eat from the school dining hall?”.

Guess what, I did not stop going to have those delicious meals at my guardians’ despite the violence and I began taken my dormitory captain along after she apologized to me, we became friends afterwards. My enthusiasm against corporal punishment is that it does not solve the root problem of any poor behavior a child display. It only helps the child grow to understand that (s)he can only manage such root problems by herself/himself and those that do not accept her/his methods of managing root problems will react violently not because they are trying to lead acceptable socio-cultural behaviors but because they lack capacity of an effective way to salvage the problem bedeviling the child and this leads me to make my final comment on this post on corporal punishment. To any teachers, house mistresses, house masters, guardians and parents, the violence you preach is not the solution to the problem.

I was treated poorly because of food but The death of a 14-year-old schoolgirl in Abuja (Keren Akpagher) would have had worse experience. Kindly share your thoughts about this and more if you have similar experience.

BEWARE OF TOXIC PEOPLE

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A toxic person can be defined as someone who abuses a person emotionally, physically or mentally. You know, that person that makes you feel like shit. A toxic person could be a friend, a romantic partner, an acquaintance or even family. A toxic person is known to oppress another individual and sometimes that individual may not even know they are being oppressed. A toxic person is great at lying, manipulating and great at pretending. They drag you down and you might not even know it.

Toxic people affect various areas of your life as you begin to see yourself making excuses for the person. Your self-esteem begins to drop. You begin to feel like no one can really see or hear you, like your own self-consciousness is choking or drowning away. You begin to settle for things you would otherwise never settle for. I need you to know that you deserve better. Toxic people do not necessarily share the same traits. These are some of the traits of toxic people:

They’ll keep you guessing about which version of them you’re getting. They’re lovely today and cold tomorrow. You can’t tell which version you’re getting. You could assume you’re playing with them and all of a sudden, they become very hostile.

They are very manipulative. They are very good at manipulating you to do things you would not want to do. In some cases, you begin to think their thoughts are your own and you’re only doing what you think they will like. You most likely will not know you are being manipulated

They won’t own their feelings. They never own their feelings or emotions. They find a way to push blame to others for emotions that they single headedly brought on themselves. You see them blaming you for their anger or their sadness when you have nothing to do with it. They will project their problems on to you and most times even blame you for it.

They get angry and blame everyone but themselves. You don’t have to defend yourself to move forward. You don’t have to explain, defend or justify yourself with these kinds of people.

They’ll make you prove yourself to them. They’ll regularly put you in a position where you have to choose between them and something else. You find yourself trying to impress them at every single turn. You do not have to impress anybody. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone.

They’ll never apologize. They’d twist the story to declare them right and you wrong. They will always forget about the other persons feelings and if the other person can also be angered. They see themselves as being bigger than apologizing to you or righting their wrongs.

They’ll be there in a crisis but never in joy. They’ll find reasons to downplay your good news. You never find them when you are in trouble or dismay. They never try to help you but always want you to help them and suddenly show themselves when you are beginning to enjoy life.

They’ll leave a conversation offline and unfinished. They can also leave a conversation half way to keep you guessing and troubled.

They’ll use non-toxic words in a toxic tone. Things like “what did you do today?

So, I bet you did nothing as usual”. And then they’ll come back and say all I asked was “what you did today?” They know it hurts but they say it anyways.

They are trying to belittle you at every turn they can.

They’ll bring irrelevant details into a conversation. You’re trying to resolve something and toxic people keep bringing details that are not important. It always seems to end with what you’ve done to them and not what they’ve done to you. They bring up the past as a way to make your points seem null.

They’ll make it about the way you’re talking and not what you’re talking about. You’ll find yourself defending your tone or speech pattern instead of fighting about what you were talking about.

They exaggerate. They increase the smallest mistakes you’ve done to such a big feat. Basically “making a mountain out of a molehill”. They over react to the slightest mistakes you have made.

They are judgmental. They are quick to scrutinize everything you do. It’s worse when they’re no better than you anyways. Like someone ridiculing you for something they equally do as well.

They are quick to bring you down in front of others. They want to remind you in front of others that you are under them. They are willing to shame you in front of others. They will bring you down at every opportunity they find. They may do it sometimes to stroke their ego. Making jokes at your expense. They are having fun while you are hurting. They don’t care about how you feel. They don’t care about how they emotionally wreck you. All they care about is that people laughed at you.

They try to gather more information about you than they give you about them. They try to have all the information They snoop through your phone. They ask people about you. They want to know everything about you possibly to know how to manipulate you some more.

They do things to you they would not take. They could snoop through your phone but throw a fit if you did the same. They insult you. They pick at your wounds. They take slight jabs at you and call it comedy. The moment you try to do these things back to them. They lash out at you.

It’s been said before but emphasis on they never apologize. Or make their apologies a joke. There is no sincerity in their apologies ever. They apologize by joking so as to never show weakness. Instead of saying “I’m sorry”, they say “Why are you angry over a little thing?”

Toxic people constantly latch on to you and drain you of fulfilment. They can be said to be parasitic in nature. They claim to have done nothing wrong when they have done a significant amount of damage to you. Please learn to value yourself and stand up for yourself. Learn to seek help whenever you may need it. Friends, families and loved ones, please look out for others as they might not even know they live with a toxic person. They could act like they have been hypnotized or under a spell. Please try and help each other.

A RECAP OF YEAR 2020

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The year 2020 is one of its kind in a century. It is a rollercoaster, they are itemized under the good, the “in-betweens” and the ugly.. World shifting events has been experienced in this year. Every year typically has a few defining moments, but 2020 has a whole lot.

The year 2020 has had its fair share of epoch making events which cannot be erased from the annals of history.

THE GOOD

November 7: Joe Biden becomes the United States President Elect. He clinched the party’s nomination in June and Kamala Harris, his Vice, was chosen on August 11. The election recorded the highest voter turnout in 120 years and Joe Biden’s electoral victory makes him the 46th President of the United States of America.

February 9: Bong Joon Ho won Academy awards for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay and Best International Feature Film for his movie, Parasite

February 9: Brad Pitt, American actor and film producer also won his first Oscar for his film, “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.”

2nd July: National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) named its Washington headquarters after Mary Jackson, its first female Black Engineer.

29th July: Netflix added seven classic Black TV shows to their platform, namely: Moesha, The Game S1-3, Sister Sister, Girlfriends, The Parkers, Half and Half and One on One. Lady Gaga and Carly Rae Jepsen also released new singles.

July 31: Beyonce also released her album, “Black is King”

THE IN-BETWEENS

January 7: The world health organization notified the world of SARS-COV-2 (also known as Corona Virus) Corona Virus originated in the city of Wuhan in the Hubei province of China. The year 2020 witnessed the rapid spread of the Corona Virus Pandemic to 196 countries. As at March 11, 2020, the World Health Organization (WHO) upgraded the status of the novel COVID-19 from an epidemic to a pandemic.

January 8: Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle stepped down from their duties as senior royals of the Buckingham Palace in a bid to becoming financially independent.

January 11: The United Kingdom withdrew from the European Union.

February 5: Donald Trump of America was acquitted by the United States’ Senate in an impeachment trial. The trial began on January 16 and it bordered on abuse of power and the obstruction of Congress.

Among Us a mobile game from 2018 suddenly boosted its popularity and became not only a greta streaming platform but a political platform as well.

Kanye west has issues with everything and begins tweeting. Kim Kardashian apoligizes claiming it was due to his bipolar disorer

Cyberpunk 2077, a game that has been on the hype train from 2013, came out and was a cluster of ugs so much so that playstation removed it from the store.

Tiger King came out and people were heaily obsessed with it.

Streaming services saw a whole new high because of lockdowns. Gaming consoles also sold a lot during this period.

Tiktok became he most downoaded and used social app and also had its problems as Donald Trump planned on ban it it due to supposed breach of information to china.

Ellen Degeneres a most known witty talk show killed her career as people began to call her out for her toxic management of staff.

Pictures of UFOs began to surface with no clear expalnaion for it from the Pentagon.

Mysterious Monoliths are being found round the world. The first was spotted in the utah desert. No one knows where they are from.

People began fighting oer tissue papers and cleaning materials. Pasta and flour started vanishing from shelves. Tissue paper was also the most searched thing until it was beaten by the ps5.

New cpus from AMD, Graphics cards from both AMD and Nvidia came out. Playstation 5 and Xbox Series X consoles also came out. All these were bought by scalpers and sold at ridiculously high prices. It was so drastic that the british governemnt decided to act on it.

Murder Hornets began to surface around America and quickly disappeared.

For the first time in 10 years, Marvel did not release a movie as it had to postpone all of its movies.

Star Wars finall came out on top with its new series, The Mandalorian

Kanye West surprisingly ran for president of America. He was endorsed by chance the rapper and elon musk as well.

Kanye West also got Kim Kadashian a holograph of her father saying he’s proud of her for her birthday.

Chris Evans, Captain America, leaked his own nude accidentally.

Kim Jong-un, Leader of north korea, faked his own death to fish out people in his government against him. His sister was rumoured to lead an this sure enough sparked some memes.

People really believed 5g Antennas were causing coronavirus.

EVERYTHING WAS CAKE!!!

Twitter got hacked as every verified account started scamming people. Donald trump also got hacked as someone guessed his password which not surprising was MAGA2020.

Chris Delia was accused of sexual harrassment.

Shia Lebouf was accused of Sexual Battery.

Vin Diesel released a song which was actually not bad.

THE UGLY

It is noteworthy that China recorded its first death from Corona Virus on January 11 while United States recorded its first case on January 20. Italy was the first country to implement a nationwide lockdown on March 10. The pandemic that caused the lives of millions of people. The Covid 19 sets and placed questions in the minds of scientists, professors, medical practioners and all. The pandemic led to lockdown in all the States of the world, this led to massive employment and business closure.

January 2: Bush fires threaten tens of millions of acres and one billion animals in New South Wales in Australia prompting the call of a state of emergency by premier Gladys Berejiklian.

January 8: Ukranian 737-800 plane crashes in Tehran, Iran killing all the 176 passengers on board.

February 24: Hollywood Producer, Harvey Weinstein is found guilty of third-degree rape and first-degree criminal sexual act.

March 16: Owing to fears from the COVID-19 pandemic, the United States Stocks (The Dow) took a major plunge, falling 2, 997 points, the largest drop since 1987.

March 24: The 2020 Tokyo summer Olympics postponed until July 23, 2021 owing to COVID19 outbreak.

25th May: George Floyd, an African American was killed during an arrest after a store clerk alleged that he had passed a counterfeit $20 bill in Minneapolis. Police-involved killings of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and BreonnaTaylor sparked protests under the banner of “Black Lives Matter” to demand an end to police brutality and racial injustice. More protests were witnessed in August when Jacob Blake, a 29 year old was paralyzed from the waist down after shooting by a Wisconsin police officer.

July 15: A group allegedly spearheaded by a Florida twin hacked the Twitter accounts of prominent business figures and politicians including Joe Biden, Bill Gates, Elon Musk and Kanye West, in a bit coin scam. At least 130 accounts were affected.

August 4: A massive explosion erupts in Beirut, Capital of Lebanon after the accidental detonation of 2, 750 tons of ammonium nitrate. This led to the death of 190 people.

Mid-August: Deadly wild fires erupted in the United States, spreading from California to Washington state and burning millions of acres and displacing hundreds of thousands.

October 2: United States President, Donald Trump diagnosed of COVID-19. He was immediately hospitalized at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center and discharged after three days.

Nashville had a suciide bomb Orchestrated by Anthony Q Werner even though police was tipped by his girfriend a year ago.

Hong Kong continued its protests to not be consumed by china.

There were locust swarms in Africa.

Nigeria began multiple protests against its special anti robbery squad SARS as it had been abusing its power on civilians. It spanned multiple days and people got killed in it. It hs since reduced but it is not gone yet.

Donald Trump praised a Doctor who believed there were demons in sperm and coronavirus was not real. Donal Trump also caimed the virus could go by drinking bleach.

THE UGLY: DEATH OF PROMINENT PERSONALITIES

Famous basketball player, Kobe Bryant and his 16 year old daughter, Gianna, died in a helicopter crash in Calabasas, California.

January 2: Death of Iranian General Qasem Soleimani and Iraq’s Commander, Abu Mahdi al-Muhanidis in a United States airstrike in Baghdad airport. This sparked a lot of world war 3 memes on twitter.

January 8: Iran retaliated on January 8 bylaunching ballistic missiles at two military bases in Iraq, causing traumatic brain injuries to 100 American soldiers.

August 28: Chadwick Boseman, “Black Panther”actor died at age 43 after a four-year battle with cancer.

September 18: United State Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg died at 87 years. She was a relentless trail blazer for gender equality.

October 6: Eddie Van Halen, a rock legend and iconic guitarist died at 65 from mouth cancer.

In conclusion, the saying that in every bad there is an inherent good, even though 2020 was of ups and downs, the most important is the realization of the importance of relationships.

MY IDENTITY YOUR IDENTITY

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I have spent the year 2020 asking myself who I really am, who I want to be and understanding my Identiy. At some point in my life I felt very confused and distressed, not finding my thing in life, not understanding my hobbies. Life was super exhausting. I asked myself questions like; who am I? what do I want? what do I enjoy doing? At crucial times in our lives, it is normal to ask ourselves who we really are.

We all have different identities. Sometimes, this identity does not fit into what friends, family and colleague are comfortable with but guess what, it is your Identity. I believe it should be accepted my whomever is interested in associating themselves with you . Sometimes we fail to accept who we really are, however, coming to terms with oneself starts from understanding your identity and believing in your Identity.

The next question is what is my identity and what is your identity ?

Identities are our unique character traits which includes our individuality, beliefs, expressions, qualities, gender, ethnicity, and so on. I believe we all have mutiple identities, my personal identity is how I relate with the world, my capabilities and my reputation. Personal identities are modelled according to our vision and mission, how the mind directs us and our perspectives towards certain issues. Moreso, most people have a different identity at work and struggle with fitting into certain categories or people either because they want to impress or they feel intimidated. Using myself as an example, I used to struggle with similar situation when i moved to the United Kingdom for my masters degree, I tried communicating with a british accent and sometimes I did not ask questions in the presence of my colleagues. Instead, I send an email to the lecturer to ask my questions. This is because I was skeptical about the lecturer not understanding my english properly.

Honestly, we just have to be confident with our identity, stay true to who we are and change will always take place when necessary as life is not static. Another example is at the work place, I remember a friend of mine whom I worked with in Nigeria, she was a totally dfferent person at work , extremely nice and polite but outside of work she was a nasty rude lady who did not care about what people think about her. Her person at work was completely differentt from that outside of work. It was almost like she was pretending at work to not be the rude person she always was. Clearly by switching personas, it was evident that she was not true too her identity. There was never a claim that one’s identity (mostly character here) would always be positive. A person can also have an identity which is more on the negative side but that is a topic for another time.

A lot of people have conflict in identifying their identity thereby having multiple identities but I presume we should be able to fill the gap at least to a reasonabe extent and come to terms with who we are. Allowing people to accept you and believe you for whom you are, allowing yourself grow and pursuing your dreams.

HOW TO IDENTIFY YOURSELF

Reflect on opinions and views from family, friends, colleagues and any other persons you believe will have a valid contribution or feedback about yourself. This reflection process will help you understand your personality better.
Identifyinig where you want to be can be a key to identifying who you are. I once felt that when I have a family, a house and a car then I would be fulfilled. I did not realise I was only deceiving myself with those thoughts as Identifying what more I could achieve for myself and do for the world made me realize that much more about myself.
Understand/Identify your personality and interests, especially the ones you really want to develop. Also, identify new interests that you do not know how to start but are interested in.
Know your place in the world. Your identity can be defined by things you have been subjected to such as loss, oppresssion, violence or the likes. You should have a way to come out of that situation to remove negative impacts and stand up for people in such situations.
Embrace rejections. People may not accept you for who you are. Be ready to face this in life. This should not sway you from being the person you want to be. Be ready to face rejections but always remember to persevere.

Accepting my identity is one thing I am glad about. I feel like I have understood a bit more of who I really am and what I really want.

You can bury your identity deep down but its never really gone. Lost identities can and will always resurface.

Feel free to share your thoughts about your identity and you can get in touch with me here.

Do not forget to subcribe to this blog xx.

YOU SHOULD SMILE MORE

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GIVE A SMILE TO SOMEONE.

Hey lovelies, I was having a chat with a friend who was lamenting about how frustrating life can be and why he doesn’t smile. He asked me why I smile often regardless of my situation, then I made him realize I have reasons to smile despite the situation.

I understand that in life we all face obstacles and feel that we do not have reasons to smile but I tell you today that regardless of how bad your situation is, you have a reason to smile. Even though sometimes you must seek out this reason within. Life will always give us reasons to be sad but we can always rise above it maybe not immediately but surely. We should try our best to find a reason to clutch that which gives us hope because where there is hope, there is life. “Hope is what we fight with when all else is lost”- Pandora, God of War 3.(Yeah, I know its a video game)

I will be listing out 6 main reasons why I smile with the intention of this helping you find a reason to smile

I smile because I am beautifully made.
I smile when I am able to put a smile on someone elses’s face.
I smile when someone gets me up upset and I do not want to react negatively. It helps calm me down.
I smile when I remember I am a blessing to my parents and many others.
I smile because it is healthy and relieves stress. When you smile, endorphins are released which help as a pain reliever and anti-depressant.
Smiling could just make someone else’s day.

There are 1001 reasons to smile. Depression may hold us down, but we should try our best to stand back on our feet and find a different solution to whatever obstacles we are passing through.

Sometimes we express our problems by frowning or being harsh to other people. I am guilty of this as well but I realised that it is never a solution to the problem. Instead you are leaking sadness into other lives as well.

I hope I have been able to put a smile on your face or brighten your mood with this write-up. If you will like to have a conversation with me, you can drop an email and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Make sure you put a smile on someone’s face.

Have a lovely day ahead.

YOUR GREATEST ENEMY IS YOUR MIND

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One day I woke up and asked myself ‘is my mindset good or bad?’ i.e. do I have a positive or negative mindset? This is a question I think we have all asked ourselves at one point of our lives. Sometimes, you feel very miserable or you struggle with the past. I want to let you know today that you can take control of all this. I am not saying that it is an easy task but it is a possible one. The moment we stop doubting ourselves, we have an edge in succeeding. A lot of us have negative thoughts towards other people, we compete with others over unnecessary things and jealousy begins to seep in as well as a dissatisfaction with where you are or what you have.

We are created to stand out, invest in yourself, invest positive thoughts to your mind, love yourself, be your own best friend, be proud of yourself,

Tony Robbins called our biggest enemy living inside us Saboteurs.

Ways to stop being your enemy

Limit your regrets: I wish that this had happened..
Feeling disappointed or guilty when you don’t need to be.
Say good words to yourself, be optimistic.
Understanding that no one is perfect and should never judge yourself too harshly.
Try to be content. You might not have it all but you have something and should be happy with what you have.
Cut yourself some slack. You could already be doing an amazing job.

Thanks for stopping by. Kindly encourage someone else by sharing this article. We never know who needs this words of encouragement.

I will like to know your thoughts on becoming a better friend to yourself.

MY EXPERIENCE FROM ‘COVID-19’

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^{What happens when life gets hard?}

This is a question I have severally asked myself during this pandemic as It’s been more than two-months since key day activities that will get me closer to my personal & professional goals have been paused. This also has a negative effect on my psychological, financial, emotional and social wellbeing. There is nothing as devastating as seeing my plans for 2020 become unrealistic. For example, I had a trip planned out to visit my family in early April as well as developing key contact in Nigeria for my field research regarding child’s right in Nigeria. Sadly, the current pandemic has interrupted my plan, making me going back to the drawing board to reconstruct my plans for the 2020. I have no other reason than to accept that this has been one of the worst period of my years, which keeps me wondering if 2020 is going to start all over again (LOL).

Having said that, I believe it is wise to make the best we can out of bad situation. I have been able to learn several things from the pandemic and I would like to share key take-out this life changing event has taught me.

Positive take-out

Identifying my self-worth: During this pandemic situation, I have realized how much I can make of myself. I appreciate myself more as I am literally living without any form of physical social contact with people. Thanks to technology as it connects people from different part of the world through mobile phones, texting and video applications. I have learnt to believe more in myself and my capacity to handle difficult times.
Investing time in passion: I have an interest in photography and content creation. I try as much as possible to give time to this interest especially on my Instagram handlehttps://www.instagram.com/tobioyefeso/. However, meeting the demands of my interest clashes with my academic and career pursuit. Thanks to COVID-19, it is not entirely a period of crisis because I have been able to invest more time into building up my passion and creating contents as this post and some other posts on this blog. Hopefully, I should create time for this passion when the pandemic is over and life goes back on the fast lane.
Cherishing family and friends: Before the pandemic, I showed little concern about the welfare of those around me especially family and friends. I barely make and receive calls, work and school made it almost impossible to respond to text messages. For instance, I have family members in the United Kingdom and I have not seen the since I began my Postgrad program. The pandemic almost made me disregard the importance of family and friends. Again, the pandemic is a blessing (not in the natural sense of a blessing) because I have become very close to the wellbeing of my family and friends. The daily updates on death from the virus makes me appreciate that family is everything and can do little without them, since my family and friends gives me the support I need at this important time of my life.
Patience: It is a key take-out learnt in this time. Sometimes, all I need is a moment to relax and breath and let things happen at the appropriate time. Since I am only a human being with goals and plans for my life, I can barely identify when a time is appropriate. The pandemic has taught me to sit and do things calmly. For instance, I have been waiting for my confirmation letter for my primary data collection and waiting for job vacancies (LOL). Right now, all I have to do is to be calm and wait. Hoping that good fortune meets my hardwork.

Negative take-out

Depression: This almost messed me up during this period and the reason was built around fear and uncertainty. As a young lady, I have my life planned out with key milestones that would help me define success. There was a time I was very sick and in so much pain but I was scared to call an ambulance. The whole sickness, isolation, financial constraints, academic difficulties almost got me thinking about what exactly life is all about. All I believed and hoped for was God’s Intervention. Having said that, I had to stand up and fight against negative thoughts that will deter me from seeing a brighter future ahead.
Procrastination: This devils tool has made me delay in performing certain activities that are would improve my career and academic goal post COVID-19. In February I was meant to conclude on my research structure but I felt lazy about the process because I felt I could do it after my holiday in March. The pandemic came and took the world by surprise, which constrained me from making key progress on my research. Therefore, this pandemic has taught me to get done with things as quick as possible as time is limited.
Poor financial planning: I assume no one had a plan, especially a financial one to manage this pandemic. Like you, I was taking unawares and i wished I had more savings to suit my bills through the pandemic. This has taught me how important it is to save for the future. Going forward, I will factor in unforeseen circumstances in my savings and investments. I think you should too.
Health and Fitness: Everyone needs to be healthy in order to pursue their goals and carry out plans they have set for themselves. In my case, I wanted to do more exercise to stay fit physically and mentally. It has been difficult to follow my exercise routines in order to maintain proper body fitness. The reason is closely related to procrastination and my ability to strictly watch my diet. However, the place of physical exercise is important for me and you. All I can do is hope that my body weight does not increase but guess what, hope is never a strategy.

Having said all these, I presume life will not be the same for a lot of us but we need to get ready for post COVID-19.

Thanks for taking out time to learn from my experience. I would love it if you can share your experience from this pandemic in the comment section.

xoxo ;-).

Some path will be lonely, learn in time to walk alone

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“No one achieves great things by following the crowd. Have a spine. Strike your own path.” Robert Kiyosaki

“The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been before.” Albert Einstein

There are times in life when we need a lot of people to walk with us, as human are social beings. Many decisions are being made that involves others, as life goes on, it is impedient that some paths are better walked alone. It will be lonely. There is a point in everyone’s life, the crowd cannot help in fulfilling, regardless of the number, they won’t just be enough.

There is a popular saying that “it is better to walk alone, than walk with a crowd in a wrong direction”. It is not literally walking with the crowd, it also includes advice from people and doing things as the norm requires. Some reasons why some paths will be lonely includes making a cogent decision about one’s life, low self-esteem, life disappointments, when passion and desire is being followed, once there is a question about the rightness or wrongness of decision of others, when there is a fault or wrong in the value shred by people.

Regardless of your circumstances, always remember that a lot of people are passing through the same phase or even worse phases that yours. I believe we owe ourselves the courage and determination to always overcome the bad times, I am of the opinion that it is never wrong to be alone during setbacks, as long as you discover yourself and become a better person.

Everything and everywhere that is worth discovering is where no person has been. Everything that is needed to be discovered is where no person has been. That is why you must set forth on this journey. You must say goodbye to what has been home.Majority that walks with the crowd,get lost in it.