Category Archives: Get Inspired

TRANSITIONING THROUGH THE FOUR LEVELS OF COMPETENCES

Hi there! Have you observed that whenever you are trying to do something for the first time – something as routine as trying to tie your shoelace, walking for the first time or other things like starting out on a new project, learning a new skill, starting a new business and so on- there are four stages that you go through. These stages are also called the four levels of competences and they apply consciously or unconsciously.

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The first stage is the stage of UNCONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE. At this stage, you are not even aware that the skill you are trying to learn or the activity you are trying to do exists. You don’t know anything about it yet.

The next stage is the stage of CONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE. At this stage, you are now aware that the skill you are trying to learn exists but you still have not mastered it yet. Here, you only suddenly realize that there is indeed something you do not know or something that you have not mastered.

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At the next stage which is called the stage of CONSCIOUS COMPETENCE, you have submitted yourself to the demands of learning that skill and you are beginning to get familiar with it. The draw back however is that you still require a lot of time and attention to operate the skill or to do the activity.

The final stage is the stage of UNCONSCIOUS COMPETENCE. At this stage, you have attained mastery and you do the activity without conscious thought. It does not take you so much time and attention, compared to what it took you before, to get the activity done.

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Sometimes, the transition through the four stages may feel like a demanding process but you just have to stick it out. Do not forget that in the race between the stream and the rock, the stream wins not because of strength but because of persistence.

YOU WERE NOT RAISED YOU WERE ERASED

My parent raised me with severe corporal punishment, therefore I will discipline my child using corporal punishment.

The above phrase is what most African parents use as their justification for the use of corporal punishment on their children, student or ward. Some parents further argue that the use of corporal punishment on them has made them who they are today. I often ask the question “Who are you now? What has corporal punishment made you become? The answer I often get is that- corporal punishment has made me very disciplined and focused in life. Yet, you are not as successful as you’ve always wanted to be in life, you are not a trust worthy person. Wait… do you think the children raised without corporal punishment are ill-mannered? I bet not, because the societies that are against corporal punishment are the world leading countries with less violence. We need to understand that violence and discipline are two different things. When you decide to make it a norm then you have decided to accept violence such as killing, fighting, slaughtering, raping, bullying and all other forms of violence into the society.

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I laugh really hard when I meet monster parents and not disciplined parents. How can a mother cut her child’s skin or whip the child until he/she faint🤨. The joy that some parents have when they instill fear or pain on their children is alarming. As a parent there is a certain period when you can no longer instill fear on that child, the reverse becomes the case and then, how will that make you feel?

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A child who thinks he/she was raised properly with corporal punishment was not raised but erased, because, that child grew up in fear without been able to make certain decisions or give opinions that affects his/her life. A child is not irrelevant, we need to understand that children are also humans and are kept in the care of an adult to guide them positively not abuse them.

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Feel free to share this blog post with friends, family and acquaintances. Also, share your thought or opinion in the comment section below.


5 THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT SAY TO SOMEONE

We say certain things that we do not realize how much it/they hurt the other person.

Below are the reasons why I highlighted these 5 things:

  1. When you tell someone they cannot do it, you make them feel less of a person or discouraged. Yes, it might be true that they can’t do it but there are better ways to tell the person without hurting their feelings and also explaining to them why you think or know they can’t do it.
  2. When you tell someone I paid a lot of money for that, you are indirectly rude and the person may feel that they do not befit that item or might instill fear. Honestly, you have every right to tell someone about how important an item is to you but try to be more courteous.
  3. The third one is very funny. I have witnessed someone ask someone else that question in public to be specific. Most people laughed about it but it was literally not funny, the lady felt very embarrassed about the question as she just had her fourth child. This is a sarcastic question, we shouldn’t ridicule people indirectly.
  4. AGE!!! This has been a very controversial topic. Research has proven that most people find it rude when you ask them about their age especially when you are trying to prove a point. Example is if someone is eating both hands and you ask ‘how old are you again?’ You are indirectly telling the person he/she is acting like a child.
  5. The last one is why are you still single. Excuse me, is the person meant to provide a boyfriend/girlfriend for herself. Do we all have to be in a relationship? You can advise your friend about relationships but not in a condemning way.

Feel free to share your thoughts about this and share to people.

Educate, Advocate, Inspire, Lifestyle

EVERYONE’S JOURNEY IS DIFFERENT

A short letter to you…

Dear friend,

I understand that sometimes life takes a toll on us and we feel that we are backwards or have not achieved what we want or wanted to have achieved but trust me you are not alone. Sometimes, I feel down, I feel disappointed at myself, I have previously felt that I could have done better in an examination and wondered if my mates who had the best of grades had 2 heads or even after a job interview, but over time I have gotten to understand this phrases “WORRYLESS” and “COMPARE LESS”.

Life is not a competition except if you make it one for yourself. The moment you started comparing your progress to another persons progress then you pursuing your destruction or affecting your mental health. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to have a role model or people we aspire to be like, but, that is different from chasing your friends dreams just because you are 30 years old and do not have a car and your friend is 30 years old with 2 cars or You are 20 years old and have not graduated from college and your friend is 18 years old and have graduated from college. My dear friend, there is nothing wrong with that and regardless of the situation, it doesn’t make you less of a better that you are. Remember that there is a difference between self-evaluation and self-comparison.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

by Theodore Roosevelt

Life is a journey that entails different obstacles, joys, moments, celebrations, hardships and any other thing you can think of. In this life journey, it is never smooth. Therefore, my dear friend please stay focused, show gratitude, set your goals right and live the best of it.

If you need to talk to me, feel free to fill the contact form.

You are awesome.

From,

Tobi.


Educate, Advocate, Inspire, Lifestyle

BEWARE OF TOXIC PEOPLE

A toxic person can be defined as someone who abuses a person emotionally, physically or mentally. You know, that person that makes you feel like shit. A toxic person could be a friend, a romantic partner, an acquaintance or even family. A toxic person is known to oppress another individual and sometimes that individual may not even know they are being oppressed. A toxic person is great at lying, manipulating and great at pretending. They drag you down and you might not even know it.

Toxic people affect various areas of your life as you begin to see yourself making excuses for the person. Your self-esteem begins to drop. You begin to feel like no one can really see or hear you, like your own self-consciousness is choking or drowning away. You begin to settle for things you would otherwise never settle for. I need you to know that you deserve better.  Toxic people do not necessarily share the same traits. These are some of the traits of toxic people:

They’ll keep you guessing about which version of them you’re getting. They’re lovely today and cold tomorrow. You can’t tell which version you’re getting. You could assume you’re playing with them and all of a sudden, they become very hostile.

They are very manipulative. They are very good at manipulating you to do things you would not want to do. In some cases, you begin to think their thoughts are your own and you’re only doing what you think they will like. You most likely will not know you are being manipulated

They won’t own their feelings. They never own their feelings or emotions. They find a way to push blame to others for emotions that they single headedly brought on themselves. You see them blaming you for their anger or their sadness when you have nothing to do with it. They will project their problems on to you and most times even blame you for it.

They get angry and blame everyone but themselves. You don’t have to defend yourself to move forward. You don’t have to explain, defend or justify yourself with these kinds of people.

They’ll make you prove yourself to them. They’ll regularly put you in a position where you have to choose between them and something else. You find yourself trying to impress them at every single turn. You do not have to impress anybody. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone.

They’ll never apologize. They’d twist the story to declare them right and you wrong. They will always forget about the other persons feelings and if the other person can also be angered. They see themselves as being bigger than apologizing to you or righting their wrongs.

They’ll be there in a crisis but never in joy. They’ll find reasons to downplay your good news. You never find them when you are in trouble or dismay. They never try to help you but always want you to help them and suddenly show themselves when you are beginning to enjoy life.

They’ll leave a conversation offline and unfinished. They can also leave a conversation half way to keep you guessing and troubled.

They’ll use non-toxic words in a toxic tone. Things like “what did you do today?

So, I bet you did nothing as usual”. And then they’ll come back and say all I asked was “what you did today?” They know it hurts but they say it anyways. 

They are trying to belittle you at every turn they can.

They’ll bring irrelevant details into a conversation. You’re trying to resolve something and toxic people keep bringing details that are not important. It always seems to end with what you’ve done to them and not what they’ve done to you. They bring up the past as a way to make your points seem null.

They’ll make it about the way you’re talking and not what you’re talking about. You’ll find yourself defending your tone or speech pattern instead of fighting about what you were talking about.

They exaggerate. They increase the smallest mistakes you’ve done to such a big feat. Basically “making a mountain out of a molehill”. They over react to the slightest mistakes you have made.

They are judgmental. They are quick to scrutinize everything you do. It’s worse when they’re no better than you anyways. Like someone ridiculing you for something they equally do as well.

They are quick to bring you down in front of others. They want to remind you in front of others that you are under them. They are willing to shame you in front of others. They will bring you down at every opportunity they find. They may do it sometimes to stroke their ego. Making jokes at your expense. They are having fun while you are hurting. They don’t care about how you feel. They don’t care about how they emotionally wreck you. All they care about is that people laughed at you.

They try to gather more information about you than they give you about them. They try to have all the information They snoop through your phone. They ask people about you. They want to know everything about you possibly to know how to manipulate you some more.

They do things to you they would not take. They could snoop through your phone but throw a fit if you did the same. They insult you. They pick at your wounds.  They take slight jabs at you and call it comedy. The moment you try to do these things back to them. They lash out at you. 

It’s been said before but emphasis on they never apologize. Or make their apologies a joke. There is no sincerity in their apologies ever. They apologize by joking so as to never show weakness.  Instead of saying “I’m sorry”, they say “Why are you angry over a little thing?”

Toxic people constantly latch on to you and drain you of fulfilment. They can be said to be parasitic in nature. They claim to have done nothing wrong when they have done a significant amount of damage to you. Please learn to value yourself and stand up for yourself. Learn to seek help whenever you may need it. Friends, families and loved ones, please look out for others as they might not even know they live with a toxic person. They could act like they have been hypnotized or under a spell. Please try and help each other.