Tag Archives: getinspired

EVERYONE’S JOURNEY IS DIFFERENT

A short letter to you…

Dear friend,

I understand that sometimes life takes a toll on us and we feel that we are backwards or have not achieved what we want or wanted to have achieved but trust me you are not alone. Sometimes, I feel down, I feel disappointed at myself, I have previously felt that I could have done better in an examination and wondered if my mates who had the best of grades had 2 heads or even after a job interview, but over time I have gotten to understand this phrases “WORRYLESS” and “COMPARE LESS”.

Life is not a competition except if you make it one for yourself. The moment you started comparing your progress to another persons progress then you pursuing your destruction or affecting your mental health. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to have a role model or people we aspire to be like, but, that is different from chasing your friends dreams just because you are 30 years old and do not have a car and your friend is 30 years old with 2 cars or You are 20 years old and have not graduated from college and your friend is 18 years old and have graduated from college. My dear friend, there is nothing wrong with that and regardless of the situation, it doesn’t make you less of a better that you are. Remember that there is a difference between self-evaluation and self-comparison.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

by Theodore Roosevelt

Life is a journey that entails different obstacles, joys, moments, celebrations, hardships and any other thing you can think of. In this life journey, it is never smooth. Therefore, my dear friend please stay focused, show gratitude, set your goals right and live the best of it.

If you need to talk to me, feel free to fill the contact form.

You are awesome.

From,

Tobi.


Educate, Advocate, Inspire, Lifestyle

BEWARE OF TOXIC PEOPLE

A toxic person can be defined as someone who abuses a person emotionally, physically or mentally. You know, that person that makes you feel like shit. A toxic person could be a friend, a romantic partner, an acquaintance or even family. A toxic person is known to oppress another individual and sometimes that individual may not even know they are being oppressed. A toxic person is great at lying, manipulating and great at pretending. They drag you down and you might not even know it.

Toxic people affect various areas of your life as you begin to see yourself making excuses for the person. Your self-esteem begins to drop. You begin to feel like no one can really see or hear you, like your own self-consciousness is choking or drowning away. You begin to settle for things you would otherwise never settle for. I need you to know that you deserve better.  Toxic people do not necessarily share the same traits. These are some of the traits of toxic people:

They’ll keep you guessing about which version of them you’re getting. They’re lovely today and cold tomorrow. You can’t tell which version you’re getting. You could assume you’re playing with them and all of a sudden, they become very hostile.

They are very manipulative. They are very good at manipulating you to do things you would not want to do. In some cases, you begin to think their thoughts are your own and you’re only doing what you think they will like. You most likely will not know you are being manipulated

They won’t own their feelings. They never own their feelings or emotions. They find a way to push blame to others for emotions that they single headedly brought on themselves. You see them blaming you for their anger or their sadness when you have nothing to do with it. They will project their problems on to you and most times even blame you for it.

They get angry and blame everyone but themselves. You don’t have to defend yourself to move forward. You don’t have to explain, defend or justify yourself with these kinds of people.

They’ll make you prove yourself to them. They’ll regularly put you in a position where you have to choose between them and something else. You find yourself trying to impress them at every single turn. You do not have to impress anybody. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone.

They’ll never apologize. They’d twist the story to declare them right and you wrong. They will always forget about the other persons feelings and if the other person can also be angered. They see themselves as being bigger than apologizing to you or righting their wrongs.

They’ll be there in a crisis but never in joy. They’ll find reasons to downplay your good news. You never find them when you are in trouble or dismay. They never try to help you but always want you to help them and suddenly show themselves when you are beginning to enjoy life.

They’ll leave a conversation offline and unfinished. They can also leave a conversation half way to keep you guessing and troubled.

They’ll use non-toxic words in a toxic tone. Things like “what did you do today?

So, I bet you did nothing as usual”. And then they’ll come back and say all I asked was “what you did today?” They know it hurts but they say it anyways. 

They are trying to belittle you at every turn they can.

They’ll bring irrelevant details into a conversation. You’re trying to resolve something and toxic people keep bringing details that are not important. It always seems to end with what you’ve done to them and not what they’ve done to you. They bring up the past as a way to make your points seem null.

They’ll make it about the way you’re talking and not what you’re talking about. You’ll find yourself defending your tone or speech pattern instead of fighting about what you were talking about.

They exaggerate. They increase the smallest mistakes you’ve done to such a big feat. Basically “making a mountain out of a molehill”. They over react to the slightest mistakes you have made.

They are judgmental. They are quick to scrutinize everything you do. It’s worse when they’re no better than you anyways. Like someone ridiculing you for something they equally do as well.

They are quick to bring you down in front of others. They want to remind you in front of others that you are under them. They are willing to shame you in front of others. They will bring you down at every opportunity they find. They may do it sometimes to stroke their ego. Making jokes at your expense. They are having fun while you are hurting. They don’t care about how you feel. They don’t care about how they emotionally wreck you. All they care about is that people laughed at you.

They try to gather more information about you than they give you about them. They try to have all the information They snoop through your phone. They ask people about you. They want to know everything about you possibly to know how to manipulate you some more.

They do things to you they would not take. They could snoop through your phone but throw a fit if you did the same. They insult you. They pick at your wounds.  They take slight jabs at you and call it comedy. The moment you try to do these things back to them. They lash out at you. 

It’s been said before but emphasis on they never apologize. Or make their apologies a joke. There is no sincerity in their apologies ever. They apologize by joking so as to never show weakness.  Instead of saying “I’m sorry”, they say “Why are you angry over a little thing?”

Toxic people constantly latch on to you and drain you of fulfilment. They can be said to be parasitic in nature. They claim to have done nothing wrong when they have done a significant amount of damage to you. Please learn to value yourself and stand up for yourself. Learn to seek help whenever you may need it. Friends, families and loved ones, please look out for others as they might not even know they live with a toxic person. They could act like they have been hypnotized or under a spell. Please try and help each other.

MY IDENTITY YOUR IDENTITY

I have spent the year 2020 asking myself who I really am, who I want to be and understanding my Identiy. At some point in my life I felt very confused and distressed, not finding my thing in life, not understanding my hobbies. Life was super exhausting. I asked myself questions like; who am I? what do I want? what do I enjoy doing? At crucial times in our lives, it is normal to ask ourselves who we really are.

We all have different identities. Sometimes, this identity does not fit into what friends, family and colleague are comfortable with but guess what, it is your Identity. I believe it should be accepted my whomever is interested in associating themselves with you . Sometimes we fail to accept who we really are, however, coming to terms with oneself starts from understanding your identity and believing in your Identity.

The next question is what is my identity and what is your identity ?

Identities are our unique character traits which includes our individuality, beliefs, expressions, qualities, gender, ethnicity, and so on. I believe we all have mutiple identities, my personal identity is how I relate with the world, my capabilities and my reputation. Personal identities are modelled according to our vision and mission, how the mind directs us and our perspectives towards certain issues. Moreso, most people have a different identity at work and struggle with fitting into certain categories or people either because they want to impress or they feel intimidated. Using myself as an example, I used to struggle with similar situation when i moved to the United Kingdom for my masters degree, I tried communicating with a british accent and sometimes I did not ask questions in the presence of my colleagues. Instead, I send an email to the lecturer to ask my questions. This is because I was skeptical about the lecturer not understanding my english properly.

Honestly, we just have to be confident with our identity, stay true to who we are and change will always take place when necessary as life is not static. Another example is at the work place, I remember a friend of mine whom I worked with in Nigeria, she was a totally dfferent person at work , extremely nice and polite but outside of work she was a nasty rude lady who did not care about what people think about her. Her person at work was completely differentt from that outside of work. It was almost like she was pretending at work to not be the rude person she always was. Clearly by switching personas, it was evident that she was not true too her identity. There was never a claim that one’s identity (mostly character here) would always be positive. A person can also have an identity which is more on the negative side but that is a topic for another time.

A lot of people have conflict in identifying their identity thereby having multiple identities but I presume we should be able to fill the gap at least to a reasonabe extent and come to terms with who we are. Allowing people to accept you and believe you for whom you are, allowing yourself grow and pursuing your dreams.

HOW TO IDENTIFY YOURSELF

  • Reflect on opinions and views from family, friends, colleagues and any other persons you believe will have a valid contribution or feedback about yourself. This reflection process will help you understand your personality better.
  • Identifyinig where you want to be can be a key to identifying who you are. I once felt that when I have a family, a house and a car then I would be fulfilled. I did not realise I was only deceiving myself with those thoughts as Identifying what more I could achieve for myself and do for the world made me realize that much more about myself.
  • Understand/Identify your personality and interests, especially the ones you really want to develop. Also, identify new interests that you do not know how to start but are interested in.
  • Know your place in the world. Your identity can be defined by things you have been subjected to such as loss, oppresssion, violence or the likes. You should have a way to come out of that situation to remove negative impacts and stand up for people in such situations.
  • Embrace rejections. People may not accept you for who you are. Be ready to face this in life. This should not sway you from being the person you want to be. Be ready to face rejections but always remember to persevere.

Accepting my identity is one thing I am glad about. I feel like I have understood a bit more of who I really am and what I really want.

You can bury your identity deep down but its never really gone. Lost identities can and will always resurface.

Feel free to share your thoughts about your identity and you can get in touch with me here.

Do not forget to subcribe to this blog xx.

HELPING YOUR CHILD BUILD A CAREER

After the birth of a child, the roles parents play in the life of the children is activated up until the child becomes an adult and is capable of making reasonable and quality decision.

These roles are biological, social, psychological, financial dimensions. Amongst all these, parents are responsible for preparing their children for their future. However, one way of doing this is by helping to shed light and directions as to the child’s choice ofcareer. Parents serve as a major influence in their children’s career development and career decision- making.

This could be done by the following suggestions:

-Ensure that there is a strong relationship between you and the child, as this would allow the child relate with you on such issues. This will enhance a good understanding of the child, therefore, as a parent you will understand the child interests and observe the child’s passion.

– Avoid over indulgence in the child’s life. Yes, it is good to interfere in the activities of the child, however, it over indulgence might make the child withdraw in certain areas. Note that every human loves to be free.

– Give the children independence, let them know what it means to be independent.

– Listen to child and avoid imposing your point of view on the child.( it is the direction that is required).

– Advise the child on decisions made by them and not commanding the child and and imposing their own goals on to the child or seeing their child’s accomplishments as a reflection on themselves.

-Support the child’s decisions. Shooting down the child decision outrightly would discourage the child.

I do hope the few point would help you now or in the nearest future x

YOU SHOULD SMILE MORE

GIVE A SMILE TO SOMEONE.

Hey lovelies, I was having a chat with a friend who was lamenting about how frustrating life can be and why he doesn’t smile. He asked me why I smile often regardless of my situation, then I made him realize I have reasons to smile despite the situation.

I understand that in life we all face obstacles and feel that we do not have reasons to smile but I tell you today that regardless of how bad your situation is, you have a reason to smile. Even though sometimes you must seek out this reason within. Life will always give us reasons to be sad but we can always rise above it maybe not immediately but surely. We should try our best to find a reason to clutch that which gives us hope because where there is hope, there is life. “Hope is what we fight with when all else is lost”- Pandora, God of War 3.(Yeah, I know its a video game)

I will be listing out 6 main reasons why I smile with the intention of this helping you find a reason to smile

  1. I smile because I am beautifully made.
  2. I smile when I am able to put a smile on someone elses’s face.
  3. I smile when someone gets me up upset and I do not want to react negatively. It helps calm me down.
  4. I smile when I remember I am a blessing to my parents and many others.
  5. I smile because it is healthy and relieves stress. When you smile, endorphins are released which help as a pain reliever and anti-depressant.
  6. Smiling could just make someone else’s day.

There are 1001 reasons to smile. Depression may hold us down, but we should try our best to stand back on our feet and find a different solution to whatever obstacles we are passing through.

Sometimes we express our problems by frowning or being harsh to other people. I am guilty of this as well but I realised that it is never a solution to the problem. Instead you are leaking sadness into other lives as well.

I hope I have been able to put a smile on your face or brighten your mood with this write-up. If you will like to have a conversation with me, you can drop an email and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Make sure you put a smile on someone’s face.

Have a lovely day ahead.


YOUR GREATEST ENEMY IS YOUR MIND

One day I woke up and asked myself ‘is my mindset good or bad?’ i.e. do I have a positive or negative mindset? This is a question I think we have all asked ourselves at one point of our lives. Sometimes, you feel very miserable or you struggle with the past. I want to let you know today that you can take control of all this. I am not saying that it is an easy task but it is a possible one. The moment we stop doubting ourselves, we have an edge in succeeding. A lot of us have negative thoughts towards other people, we compete with others over unnecessary things and jealousy begins to seep in as well as a dissatisfaction with where you are or what you have.

We are created to stand out, invest in yourself, invest positive thoughts to your mind, love yourself, be your own best friend, be proud of yourself,

Tony Robbins called our biggest enemy living inside us Saboteurs.

Ways to stop being your enemy

  • Limit your regrets: I wish that this had happened..
  • Feeling disappointed or guilty when you don’t need to be.
  • Say good words to yourself, be optimistic.
  • Understanding that no one is perfect and should never judge yourself too harshly.
  • Try to be content. You might not have it all but you have something and should be happy with what you have.
  • Cut yourself some slack. You could already be doing an amazing job.

Thanks for stopping by. Kindly encourage someone else by sharing this article. We never know who needs this words of encouragement.

I will like to know your thoughts on becoming a better friend to yourself.


MY EXPERIENCE FROM ‘COVID-19’

What happens when life gets hard?

This is a question I have severally asked myself during this pandemic as It’s been more than two-months since key day activities that will get me closer to my personal & professional goals have been paused. This also has a negative effect on my psychological, financial, emotional and social wellbeing. There is nothing as devastating as seeing my plans for 2020 become unrealistic. For example, I had a trip planned out to visit my family in early April as well as developing key contact in Nigeria for my field research regarding child’s right in Nigeria. Sadly, the current pandemic has interrupted my plan, making me going back to the drawing board to reconstruct my plans for the 2020. I have no other reason than to accept that this has been one of the worst period of my years, which keeps me wondering if 2020 is going to start all over again (LOL).

Having said that, I believe it is wise to make the best we can out of bad situation. I have been able to learn several things from the pandemic and I would like to share key take-out this life changing event has taught me.

Positive take-out

  • Identifying my self-worth: During this pandemic situation, I have realized how much I can make of myself. I appreciate myself more as I am literally living without any form of physical social contact with people. Thanks to technology as it connects people from different part of the world through mobile phones, texting and video applications. I have learnt to believe more in myself and my capacity to handle difficult times.
  • Investing time in passion: I have an interest in photography and content creation. I try as much as possible to give time to this interest especially on my Instagram handlehttps://www.instagram.com/tobioyefeso/. However, meeting the demands of my interest clashes with my academic and career pursuit. Thanks to COVID-19, it is not entirely a period of crisis because I have been able to invest more time into building up my passion and creating contents as this post and some other posts on this blog. Hopefully, I should create time for this passion when the pandemic is over and life goes back on the fast lane.
  • Cherishing family and friends: Before the pandemic, I showed little concern about the welfare of those around me especially family and friends. I barely make and receive calls, work and school made it almost impossible to respond to text messages. For instance, I have family members in the United Kingdom and I have not seen the since I began my Postgrad program. The pandemic almost made me disregard the importance of family and friends. Again, the pandemic is a blessing (not in the natural sense of a blessing) because I have become very close to the wellbeing of my family and friends. The daily updates on death from the virus makes me appreciate that family is everything and can do little without them, since my family and friends gives me the support I need at this important time of my life.
  • Patience: It is a key take-out learnt in this time. Sometimes, all I need is a moment to relax and breath and let things happen at the appropriate time. Since I am only a human being with goals and plans for my life, I can barely identify when a time is appropriate. The pandemic has taught me to sit and do things calmly. For instance, I have been waiting for my confirmation letter for my primary data collection and waiting for job vacancies (LOL). Right now, all I have to do is to be calm and wait. Hoping that good fortune meets my hardwork.

Negative take-out

  • Depression: This almost messed me up during this period and the reason was built around fear and uncertainty. As a young lady, I have my life planned out with key milestones that would help me define success. There was a time I was very sick and in so much pain but I was scared to call an ambulance. The whole sickness, isolation, financial constraints, academic difficulties almost got me thinking about what exactly life is all about. All I believed and hoped for was God’s Intervention. Having said that, I had to stand up and fight against negative thoughts that will deter me from seeing a brighter future ahead.
  • Procrastination: This devils tool has made me delay in performing certain activities that are would improve my career and academic goal post COVID-19. In February I was meant to conclude on my research structure but I felt lazy about the process because I felt I could do it after my holiday in March. The pandemic came and took the world by surprise, which constrained me from making key progress on my research. Therefore, this pandemic has taught me to get done with things as quick as possible as time is limited.
  • Poor financial planning: I assume no one had a plan, especially a financial one to manage this pandemic. Like you, I was taking unawares and i wished I had more savings to suit my bills through the pandemic. This has taught me how important it is to save for the future. Going forward, I will factor in unforeseen circumstances in my savings and investments. I think you should too.
  • Health and Fitness: Everyone needs to be healthy in order to pursue their goals and carry out plans they have set for themselves. In my case, I wanted to do more exercise to stay fit physically and mentally. It has been difficult to follow my exercise routines in order to maintain proper body fitness. The reason is closely related to procrastination and my ability to strictly watch my diet. However, the place of physical exercise is important for me and you. All I can do is hope that my body weight does not increase but guess what, hope is never a strategy.

Having said all these, I presume life will not be the same for a lot of us but we need to get ready for post COVID-19.

Thanks for taking out time to learn from my experience. I would love it if you can share your experience from this pandemic in the comment section.

xoxo ;-).